Sweet Migraines

Pregnancy, Birth, and Migraines

2011-04-15T13:16:00.000-05:00

Last time this year I was just finding out that I was pregnant. I really could not have been happier as I thought the day would never come. I was really nervous because I was taking Topamax as my preventive for my migraines and it can cause some pretty serious birth defects. Thankfully my baby girl had none of those. She was a little early on Nov 19, 2010 weighing in at 6 pounds 8 ounces and 19 inches long.

I was so lucky that I had very few migraines during my pregnancy. I think I may have had one in the first trimester and that was it. Relatively speaking I had a great pregnancy and honestly was a little sad to see it go so early. I was excited about having the baby don't get me wrong, but I just loved being pregnant.

I knew I was going to breastfed from the start, so I searched online websites and watched youtube videos. I gathered as much information as I possibly could. This was going to be a success for me. I wanted to have a natural ~~drug free~~ delivery....helicopter NO! At least the breastfeeding is still going strong. We had a few complications with latch at the very start but nothing a little patience, and momma tears couldn't work out.

I have the sweetest most laid back baby a parent could ever dream of. She looks just like her daddy and if I didn't carry her for 9 months I would have swore he cheated on me. I can already tell she got the best part of my personality.

I wished and prayed and wished some more that these dreaded migraines would be out of my life like a bad boyfriend, but not two weeks later they reared their ugly head back into my life. It is such a struggle to try to take care of yourself when you are healthy with a newborn baby much less when you are sick. There is no preventive medication that I can take for them while I am nursing. I can take Imitrex which I absolutely hate. I hate how it makes my heart beat fast and my head feel like it is burning hotter than a half bred fox in a forest fire. I suppose when I am working with limited treatment I should dust off my hands and work with what I have. I will not admit defeat with these migraines and I will continue to nurse my daughter until either get the best of me.

PS. Honorable mention goes to my IT department, thank you for unblocking Blogger.

Lose a Turn

2010-03-08T23:44:00.000-06:00

Ok so here I am ranting about work again...I am just so frustrated. First there seems to be a problem with a fan in the ceiling again. It sounds like the Wheel of Fortune spinner every 15 minutes. Last winter I called building maintenance, they came out and claimed they couldn't hear anything and left. Well I had my manager sit at my desk for five minutes, and she heard it and called them back out. So the maintenance man crawled up into the ceiling and poked around and pretty much said "I don't know what I did, but hopefully it is fixed". It was until last week, and now today it was crazy loud again. I think it is because we went from heat to cool air. Let the migraine begin!!!

Second my co-workers are not coming back to work. I really try to be sympathetic. I know one of them is going through a tough time in her life, but it is really hard. I just don't know how long I can keep this up.

I came home and took my first injection of Imitrex, wow the burn hurts. I was warned by my HA that it would happen this way, but it sure makes me cry for my Zomig. Let's at least hope the results are least the same. I would hate to think I have gone through the pain of the migraine today and now the ouch of the injection coupled by the burn of the medicine and it do nothing for my head.

Pharmacy

2010-03-07T18:54:00.003-06:00

I went to pick up my prescriptions today and let me tell you I think my local chain pharmacist is an idiot. First when I dropped them off yesterday I had a consult with him because Dr. B gave me two prescriptions one that he hoped my insurance would cover and one that he knew they would. The first one was for Sumavel DosePro. It is a needless injection of Imitrex or sumatriptan, the other was the Imitrex with the needle. I told the pharmacist that I did not want to fill the Sumavel if my insurance was not going to cover it because I had already been warned of how expensive it was going to be. He really acted like I was putting him out for even bringing in my prescriptions, or asking to have a consult with him. I had brought several other prescriptions in that I just wanted to put on file but did not want to fill at that time. And with prior experiences I did not want to leave there with meds that I did not need because of incompetent pharmacy techs. Well apparently he is just as incompetent.

The first thing that happened when I got home with my medicine was the label said to take by mouth, um ok I obviously have the wrong stuff, even though it looks just like what the nurse showed me in the office on Friday. The second thing is there is no needle to inject the medicine into my mouth or my thigh. I asked my husband to get back in the car and drive me back up there so that I can find out what is going on. Shame on me for not looking before I left. No complaints from hubby, we were going to grab something to eat anyway.

The pharmacist tries to blame my doctor for not writing the prescription correctly when I get there and that is why I get a refill instead of the starter kit. I was livid right about then, because no one trashes my doctor. I read the prescription very clearly, and I even read it aloud with the stupid pharmacist yesterday. I made him go back and read it and it did clearly say, kit and refill x 6. I walked out of there with two the first time and a label that said by mouth! He couldn't come up with an excuse fast enough for why the label said by mouth and didn't even bother to apologize for the mistake.

I did walk out of there with 6 injections, but they tried to say my insurance would only cover two at first. Then the tech girl put in the computer that it was a two day supply and they covered 4 injections with one co-pay. I had to pay an additional co-pay for the starter kit that had two injections. I can only imagine what this ordeal is going to be like next month.

I really don't understand all this insurance crap, when I was taking Zomig I got a box of 6 and I could get it filled every 2 weeks. It was relieving knowing that when I had a migraine I did not have to hoard my medicine. I did not have to feel like I had to play the wait and see if it got worse game. On the onset of my aura it was time to take my medicine and not worry that I might run out, because I was not limited. I never ran out and I never had to refill more than once a month. But if I am limited to 4 a month and I have 6 migraines, which my migraine journal says I had 6 last month and 5 the month before that, then I am scared....

Since writing this post I came across this article over at MMC http://www.healthcentral.com/migraine/support-446403-5.html at least it is a start in a good direction should I need it.

Updates

2010-03-07T14:15:00.002-06:00

I saw Dr. B on Friday and honestly I really don't know where my life would be right now without that man. My migraines have been rough for the past couple months. He is so understanding and compassionate. He truly wants to help me get my migraines under control and there is nothing he wont do or try to give me a better quality of life.

My insurance sent me a letter saying they are no longer covering my Zomig as a tier 2 medication and that the price is going way up. They want me to switch to generic Imitrex in shot form. I tried the pill Imitrex before and I had some nasty mood swings on it, but I am going to give it a go again, just to appease the insurance. If I still have the side effects then Dr. B said that we can aggressively fight the insurance company to cover my Zomig again.

Work has been very stressful these last couple of months and I know I have been neglecting my fluids, eating properly, and getting quality sleep, which are all major triggers for me. I know what I need to do, but I find my self so wrapped up in my work that I have lost complete tract of time. I literately look down at the clock and hours have past, and I haven't eaten, drank, or even moved from my desk. I really don't expect it to get much better, since we are still understaffed, and I am basically doing my job plus two others that have been out sick. One is coming back this week pending the outcome of several more tests, so my hopes are not set too high, and the other one is taking a stress leave after her 3 weeks of vacation time she just burned up....something I may need once this over and she is back in a couple of months.

I do have a game plan though. I am going set up reminders that will pop up on my computer that says get up, go to the bathroom, have a glass of water and a snack, set for every hour this week. I am going to start leaving the office during my lunch again, and I am not going to work over unless absolutely necessary! Maybe when the work starts piling up, and I stop being miss I can do everything I will get some help. Otherwise I am going to be back to where I started as if all good things I have done to control the frequency of my migraines was for nothing. I really don't want to be at that dark place in my life again.

I know I said this before, but I really was happier when I was blogging, so I absolutely must take some me time to de-stress and write. It was fun, and it really helped me wrap the day or week up. It also helped keep tract of how I was feeling when I had a really bad migraine. It is important to me and I must remember the important things.

A change is going to come.....

Vacation

2010-01-31T11:28:00.000-06:00

It has been a much needed week off from the stress of work. I am still not sure I am ready to go back tomorrow. I literately did nothing this past week, but read and watch Tennis. I had no migraines, which was wonderful. Right before I went on vacation another supervisor was sending me her call backs knowing that I had my own customers to call back, plus my own work to do, and on top of that I was managing another supervisor's team while she was out on vacation for a week an half. She was also going on break during her phone time and asking me to get the phone. Well not anymore, this next week the answer will be no, you go to break once your phone time is over like the rest of us. I am not going to put up with this. Just because our boss thinks you can do no wrong, doesn't mean I have to feel that way too.

I really did make a new years resolution to start blogging more, but with all the stress at work, I just simply could not bring myself to write anything. My brain hurt! I do have a few new gadgets to write about that I bought myself to make up for my horrible Christmas :) More of that to come.

A Christmas to Remember or Try to Forget

2009-12-27T18:42:00.000-06:00

Christmas to me is a wonderful time of the year to spend time with family and friends and do a little gift giving to let those people know that you have thought about them and that you are glad that they are in your life. Now I know times have been tough on a lot of people this year. This economy has not been the greatest and there are a lot of people out of work, so the gift giving has been less or less expensive if you will. My husband and I have not been affected by the loss of jobs, in fact we have been lucky this past year and both have received promotions. We went out of our way a little more this year with our family and our closest friends. We defiantly didn't expect it back, or even want it. I just wanted to pay it forward a little bit.

But you know what hurts the most! Not a simple thank you...or wow I love it...where in the hell are your manners?? My friends with children teach their children at a very young age that a simple thank you goes after your receive anything...no matter if you like it not!
Three couples from the family decided that we would pitch in and buy a really lavish gift for my husband's grandparents. We bought a 32 inch flat screen TV along with a TV stand for grandpa, and for grandma we bought a digital camera. I had my reservations about buying her a digital camera. She isn't exactly up with the newest electronic gadgets, but she had been asking for one for a long time and if she was excited about it enough it shouldn't take her too long to figure out how to turn it on and click down the button...right. I guess she changed her mind and didn't want the camera anymore...must of changed it the day before Christmas. Then if that wasn't bad enough grandpa bitched about us getting him a TV and not her a TV to watch in the kitchen. Seriously, in the F'n kitchen?! The TV they had before was one of those old console TV's. They just upgraded their cable to U Verse and they are paying for HD channels that they had no TV to watch them on because all their TV's were born in the stone age. I was literally ready to break down and either cuss and scream and tell them that I know 2 year olds with better manners or just cry my eyes out.

It does get worse, the title does say it all. My husbands mom has really hurt my feelings this year. I know she is broke and can't afford gifts, fine just come up and spend some time with us. She was not here for Thanksgiving and now for Christmas. She is also saying some pretty hurtful things, and the last one that really hurt was when were at my niece's special Christmas party this year. My niece lives in Colorado, so we had to drive an hour away to see her, so that we could have a combined Christmas with both sides of her family. My MIL announced that she and my niece had made special Christmas cards for everyone they cared about, and me nor my husband received a Christmas card. You know that card would have meant more to me and my husband than anything they could have bought us.

BTW, on Christmas Day I had a migraine from hell. It must of been because I was so distraught from Christmas Eve. Next year I am going to Cancun and forgetting that Christmas ever existed.

Email your Senators

2009-12-10T10:11:00.000-06:00

I received this email via a group in Facebook. Please take a moment to support our neurologists. It will only take a minute of your time. Thanks!

Dear All:

Please take 10 minutes to visit the AHDA website and email your senators. Your help is urgently needed. See the below.

Thanks,

Bray

As you can see, we've just mobilized an action alert to support the Medicare incentive program for neurology in close coordination with the AAN and six other neurological disorder advocacy groups.

Please take just a minute now to visit the AHDA webpage (http://www.capwiz.com/headacheadvocacy/issues/alert/?alertid=14446301&PROCESS=Take+Action ) to email the precise necessary message to your senators to support the Klobuchar amendment to the health care reform bill.

Time is of the essence. The Klobuchar amendment was filed on Monday and we do not know when it will be voted upon by the Senate.

Thanks very much.

Best,

Bob

Robert E. Shapiro, M.D., Ph.D.
Professor of Neurology

Given Building C219B,
Department of Neurology,
University of Vermont College of Medicine,
89 Beaumont Avenue,
Burlington, VT, 05405

Phone: 802-656-1480
FAX: 802-656-5844
robert.shapiro@uvm.edu
http://www.med.uvm.edu/neurology/WebBio.asp?SiteAreaID=729

Please Email Your Senators to Support the Klobuchar / Collins Amendment
Dear AHDA advocates:

The AHDA is dedicated to improving the welfare of individuals suffering from headache disorders. Our near-term goals have focused on increasing NIH funding for headache disorders to lead to improved therapies. However, the health care reform bill currently being debated in Congress has forced us to take action in a slightly different direction to protect access to quality medical care for patients with headache disorders.

The Senate Health Care Reform Bill contains a particular provision to provide bonus Medicare payments to doctors from certain primary care specialties. This is a very good idea. It is intended to incentivize and encourage doctors to enter and stay in primary care practice.

Physicians who specialize in headache medicine provide primary or principal care for patients with headache disorders and more than 90% of them are neurologists. Unfortunately, neurologists have been unaccountably left out of eligibility for these bonuses. If the Health Reform Bill passes with the incentive program as it is written, it will significantly undermine the ability to recruit and retain doctors to the field of headache medicine. Headache doctors are already very scarce, and it will become that much harder to find one.

What can we do? Fortunately, Sen Klobuchar of Minnesota, along with Sen Collins of Maine and Senator Brown of Ohio, have offered a bipartisan amendment to the Senate Health Care Reform Bill that would add neurologists to the Medicare incentive program. We, at the AHDA, have added our voice of support for this amendment to those of other national groups with interests in patients with neurological diseases, including the American Academy of Neurology, the ALS Association, the Parkinson's Action Network, the Epilepsy Foundation, the Brain Injury Association of America, the Alzheimer's Foundation of America, and the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.

We are asking you to contact your two Senators right now through our website to urge them to co-sponsor the Klobuchar amendment. Doing this is as easy as just a few mouse clicks. Please do it as soon as possible. Also, please forward this email and ask everyone that you know that cares about someone with a neurological disorder to do so now too. The Klobuchar amendment will be voted upon by the Senate any day now.

It's easy and should take you 10 minutes or less.

Thank you very much.

Best regards,

Bob Shapiro
Bill Young
Brad Klein
Teri Robert

Have not been well

2009-11-15T12:42:00.000-06:00

Well I have had another birthday come and go since my last post. It was nice having my friends around to support me. I really feel like my migraines have been out of control lately.

I had an appointment with Dr. B, however I didn't get to see him. I saw the PA instead. She was nice. I told her about what was going on with my migraines and she seemed to believe everyone was struggling this past month. Hump. I don't really care about everyone else..maybe that is selfish, but after having such good months, then bam! migraine explosion I want to know what is going on. She made me another appointment in a month to actually see Dr. B. I told her about the tingles I had with my 3 day migraine and she didn't see surprised or worried, just seemed like it was something that could happen after a really bad migraine. I try to tell myself if the doctor isn't worried then I shouldn't worry either. I think I will still bring it up to Dr. B at my next appointment. She also gave me a rescue medication ultram I think it was.

Smells are really triggering my migraines a lot more these days. I have tried to get some Christmas shopping done on the weekends and the perfumes that are being sprayed everywhere is driving me crazy. It seems like I can smell perfume on people before I even get close to them and then shortly after here comes the start of a migraine. I can not do anything about this trigger!! I feel so helpless.

My knees and legs have been killing me lately also. I feel on some days I could rip my knee caps right off. No amount of rubbing, heat, ice or medication is helping to relieve the pain. I am just so sick of it, if it isn't the migraine causing me pain it my knees. WHAT'S NEXT!!

I just really feel like I am falling apart. It is really making me feel depressed, and I really don't want that for the holidays.

Unusual Day

2009-10-25T21:38:00.000-05:00

Things were a bit different today. I woke up feeling rather well considering I had no migraine to treat. In fact I didn't even have the usual dull headache that I normally get after a really bad migraine. What I did have was this tingling sensation that went from my face to my feet about 30 minutes after I woke up that lasted for about 2 hours. It was only on the left side of my face but both of my arms and hands were tingling and both of my legs and feet. It was very strange and was becoming rather frightening. It didn't hurt, not like when your foot goes to sleep not like pins and needles. It was just tingles. It is hard to explain. Once they went away I have been ok for the rest the day. I even managed to go the grocery store.

While I am anxious to talk to Dr. B about the things that have been going on with me the last week, I really hope that he does not give me too hard of a time for not getting my MRI done yet. I was suppose to have that scheduled. I honestly just could not find the time. Well I suppose I should say I have not wanted to disappoint anyone at work for taking a day off. I really need to learn to treat myself better I know, but he also wants me to have an EKG done and that has to be scheduled by my PCP and if I am going to take a day off I would like to get them both done at the same time.

Hormonal Migraine

2009-10-24T23:20:00.000-05:00

Day 3 and I am still not well....We had such beautiful weather...then came the down pour, my monthly friend, and I went back to my evening shift. I really thought going back to my normal work schedule was going to be a blessing but apparently that was just going to be another change in my sleep pattern that ended up being the straw that broke the camels back if you will. I am not sure I am in status because I have got some relief with the zomig, just not enough. I have taken 3 triptans in 2 days and I dont think it is a good idea to take anymore, but my head is pounding right now. I have suffered today with not taking anything, but I am really close to just taking my last vicodin and hoping that I can get some sleep. I see Dr. B in 2 weeks and I plan on really having a long talk with him about some form of rescue medication. I dont need them often, but when I do I want some RELIEF!

It's Been A While

2009-10-09T21:12:00.000-05:00

I have had such a hectic few weeks. I have been in training at work which means that I am on the day shift. I do not like getting up when it is still dark outside! I am having a really hard time remembering my new medication schedule. I cant remember if I took my Topamax in the morning and then I am so tired by the time I get home I totally forget to take it at night. I really wonder if I am coming or going. I thought it would only take me a couple of days to get used to it..NOPE! I am still forgetting my medication as of last night, and it has been 2 weeks. I have had 2 migraines, which is quite shocking since I am so out of wack with the medication and a new sleep pattern. I thought for sure I would have one everyday.

Last weekend every time I tried to blog I would ~~sit~~ lay down on the couch with my lap top and start to write something and 5 seconds later I would be asleep. It was very frustrating. My crazy husband tried to even take a picture of me with my fingers in the typing position, the screen saver on, and me fast asleep. I promptly deleted it!!

I have at least been able to catch up with friends since I am working like a normal person, and that has been at least nice. I have came to the conclusion however that I AM NOT NORMAL, and I will take my second shift back any day now. I am thinking it will be either Thursday or Friday of next week.

The good news is Columbus did sail the ocean blue and we must give him thanks on Monday. Hip Hip Hooray for Bank Holidays and three day weekends!

Keeping my Fingers Crossed

2009-09-21T01:22:00.003-05:00

I am very happy to report that Zomig is my new BFF! I really hate to brag, but this abortive has really helped me. I do not get any nasty side effects other than making me drowsy, but not so severely that I must lay down and go into an unconscious state for several hours.

At my last visit with my ~~Headache~~ Migraine Specialist, Dr. B said to take it as soon as my aura came, so the very next day here came the aura, and I did as I was told. But wait no migraine ever showed up, was this really the zomig? Did it honestly keep my migraine from roaring its ugly head? Dont get me wrong, I knew I had something going on with my head, it was just a dull ache though. Like the kind of ache you get the day after a severe migraine. It was kinda scary and exciting at the same time. I didn't know if I had just taken it too early, maybe I had mistaken my aura for something else. Not sure what else that blinding spot in my left eye that produces those pretty colors could be, maybe my cigarette was laced with LSD, ha! I also wasn't sure how to feel about not acutally suffering through a migraine. Does that make sense to anyone? I am not sure it makes sense to me, let alone anyone else, but somehow strangely that is how I am feeling.

Some days though I wake up with a migraine totally skipping my aura phase and that is when things become a bit more hairy. I am very nauseous and my light and noise sensitivity is through the roof. One dose of Zomig and my migraine is greatly reduced. It isn't completely gone, however I can still function at work and I can take my other medication for the nausea. When I do go to work with a migraine it progressively gets worse and I always worry that I will have some weird side effect show up, so I don't take new drugs at work unless I have taken them at least 3 or 4 times with nothing crazy happening. I have no side effects to report, and I have taken over 4 doses. I was a bit skeptical. When I come home from work through I take another dose of the Zomig and lay down for a bit and the migraine is back down to just a dull ache.

I really think I can start knocking these migraines out at work now. It is almost comforting to know that I will not have to continue down down this destructive path feeling well enough to go to work and then getting to work and feeling like I could chop off my head at any given moment.

I am still working on the part of not feeling guilty about not suffering even a little bit when I am able to catch my migraine during it's aura phase. I feel great, but I cant help but think of the many of you that are not able to get this kind of relief. I still don't know why I think I have to feel this way. As soon as I get that one migraine that is troublesome to treat I remember why I am grateful that I do have something that works so effectively.

FDA Ban on Prescription Pain Meds

2009-09-16T01:33:00.002-05:00

Please everyone take a few moments to read the blog by Diana Lee at Somebody Heal Me

The FDA is trying to ban prescription pain medication that contains acetaminophen such as Lortab, Percocet and Darvocet, and basically just make an extra strength acetaminophen medication that is available by prescription only.

The FDA is accepting comments until WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 30!!

Please take a moment to Sign the petition

Acetaminophen: Educate, Do Not Regulate

A tribute to Patrick Swayze

2009-09-15T01:03:00.000-05:00

Well I cant sleep, my migraine seems to have dulled to about a 4 so it is tolerable.

I thought I would write a little more about Patrick Swayze. I briefly wrote about him losing his battle with pancreatic cancer at a young age of 57. He was such a fighter. He never lost hope. He was such a inspiration to me. He continued to work on the set of "The Beast" an A&E drama series until he could work no more. I saw a documentary on his battle with cancer recently and while you could tell that he was totally committed to the show, you could also tell that he was at times in severe pain.

I remember being a tween and catching Dirty Dancing on video and just being head over hills in love with him. I probably watched that movie at least once every weekend and could quote every line. I would pretend I was baby and one day dream of find my Johnny in life.

Then came the movie Ghost. He stole my heart again. Honestly who couldn't be emotionally moved in that moved. The pottery scene, need I say more? If you weren't moved, well then clink clink on your heart of steel.

You can read his whole Bio here.

My heart goes out to his family and his wonderful wife, who has stood by him through the best and worst of times in his life.

Morning Migraine

2009-09-14T10:01:00.001-05:00

So last night I was all excited about getting up and getting ready for work. I was trying to decide which outfit I was going to wear. I even thought I would put on some makeup and fix my hair a little extra nice, even thought I would make a commitment to wear makeup everyday. Guess who decides to show up this morning, oh yeah that's right my not welcome friend migraine, I really thought I had it beat last night. I just had the dull ache by the time I went to bed.

It is really hard getting dressed and being excited about it when you feel like you could split your head open and all would be well. I did not feel like pulling on my hair to fix it up, but I did. I did not feel like brushing on my makeup over my forehead, but I did for the sake of not looking like how I felt.

I knew my head was really bad when I told one person here at work to have a good weekend..um yeah it is Monday, Nicole. I also told someone that Patrick Swazye died on Monday, uh yeah that would be today. See my brain is just not functioning. I am sure I said other things that I just can't seem to recall.

Well I am off work and I am going to hermit in my bedroom, with my icepack and another spray of zomig. Hopefully this will do the trick.

Oh yeah, let's not forget:

Lost...Lost..Lost..& Lost

2009-09-14T01:32:00.000-05:00

This weekend has just not been very good for my favorite sport teams. They have all lost. Serena Williams had some kind of intense mental breakdown and went ape shit on a line judge for calling a foot fault on her. She called out some rather insane expletives which in turn caused the chair umpire to call a point penalty which just happened to be the match point for her opponent. She lost the game without even having to lift her racket. What a shame.

Then if that wasn't bad enough my Saint Louis Cardinals seem to have lost their mojo too. They have lost the last three of their games. We have a very good lead in for first place, but it is possible to lose it. We can lose all our games, and have Chicago win all of their games. We would lose first place, and our chance at the world series. My friend doesn't call them the cardiac Cardinals for nothing.

Now onto the the start of Football season today. The Saint Louis Rams were horrible today. I was really hoping they would have a little something in them to show all of their loyal supporters that this was going to be the start of a good year...ha ha. What a big goose egg for the final score board.

Not even my Panthers could pull it together for the start of the season today. What a major disappointment. I knew I should have just nursed my migraine in bed with a book or my laptop reading my favorite blogs that make me laugh instead of laying on the couch ready to cry over the horrible game play.

Shop Till You Drop...

2009-09-13T11:57:00.000-05:00

I can remember the days when I was young and before I had such horrible migraines that I could start shopping when the stores open their doors and not come home until the stores would be making their announcement that it was closing time.

I tried this yesterday, but I defiantly did not make it until closing time. I got up around 9, but didn't manage to leave the house until 10:30 with a friend of mine. We were off to find me some new clothes that were not falling off of me, and that were more business like attire for my new position at work. We hit several different stores before I finally said I need to eat, which I did, but I also knew I needed to rest. We went to Applebees. I love their 2 meals for $20.

It was really exciting to see that I have gone down one pant size, and two top sizes. I was having a lot of fun trying on clothes. It was total gratification looking at myself in that mirror.

I came home at modeled my new clothes for my husband and he liked them all. He liked that I got shirts that I could mix and match with other pants. Then I found myself drifting off to sleep, it was only 5 o'clock. I took a nap that lasted until 9 pm. Dang I was tired. There goes my sleep schedule. I still manged to go back to bed at 2 am, which is a usual bed time for me.

This morning though I woke up with a migraine. I knew I just way over did things. I must keep telling myself that limits are good and that I cant do all things that I once could. It is just so darn hard, and I was having a good time.

Meditation for Dummies

2009-09-10T00:37:00.000-05:00

I am really thinking about trying to start some type of meditation and relaxation to help with my migraines. I have bought the Soundscape Cd's from Wal-mart, tried to breathe deep and think of beaches and warm fuzzy thoughts, but that usually gets me a whole 10 seconds before my brain will start making to do lists, thinking of what I want to wear tomorrow to work, or how many piles of laundry I am going to need to do this weekend. So yeah, needless to say that just isn't working for me. I tried to search for some blogs that would be able to help give me some techniques to work with but I have not have any luck so far. I will keep searching though. I also thought about hitting the book store this weekend, maybe there is a meditation for dummies out there. Suggestions are welcome!

I also thought about doing some yoga, but I am not limber at all. Some of those poses just scare me. I haven't been able to put my leg behind my head since I was three, but I bet my husband would enjoy watching me try. And I am sure the anticipation of success will just make him eager as a teenage virgin. Most of the websites that I did research about yoga said that I needed to take a yoga for beginners class; then I could go home and do the yoga on my own. Well see I would rather fall on my ass in the comfort of my own home without anyone watching me. Then when I feel like I have had some practice, and I don't feel like I am a total yoga noob I will go to a class. I will report back later with my with how things are going.

Hurt, Mistrust, and Disloyality

2009-09-09T09:48:00.001-05:00

Scorpio Characteristics: Emotional, Private, Compassionate,Self-Critical,Moody,Sensual..Yeah I'm pretty sure I was born correctly as a Scorpio

(8/31)
How does someone ever make it right? Will I ever feel the same way about this person? There are very few people that I really become close to in life. I mean don't get me wrong I have lots of friends. But the sad part is that they may think they know me, but honestly they don't have the slightest idea about me or my life. I carefully chose who I let in and most of the time I chose correctly. I know ya'll must be thinking what deep dark secret does this girl have?? Well there are a few things that I am just not proud of, and no I am not discussing them here, maybe one day. Nothing horrific like murder or mayhem, just things that show my life wasn't always perfect. It still isn't perfect, but boy I sure have came a long way. I kinda wiped the slate clean when I moved from North Carolina to Missouri.

Recently I trusted someone to keep a secret, it wasn't anything too personal. I got some really good news at work, but I was told I couldn't discuss the news until later. Well I was just absolutely delighted, and I tried really hard to hold it in. A week went past and she asked me about it along with tons of other people and finally I just broke and swore her to secrecy. What a huge mistake. She promised she wouldn't say anything. So a couple more days after I broke my silence go by and still no announcement has been made of my news, and quite frankly I am getting tired of telling people no I haven't heard anything when in fact yes I have and the news is quite good, but thanks to management I cant share my wonderful news so stop asking me questions I cant answer. I still haven't told anyone else though because I am nervous enough just knowing that I have told that one person.

So she is discussing my news with her cubical mate and he is also someone who has applied for the same position that I have. Well that just complicates matters worse. Not only has she broken my trust, but she is talking about this to someone who could seriously get me in me major hot water. I could lose my new job faster than I got it. So of course he gets upset and goes to talk to his supervisor and wants to know what is going on with the job. WHAT THE F! Now I have to smooth things over with him and stroke his ego, something I don't even do with my own husband. Which I did, and everything turned ok. Well everything except for my ego.

She sends me a text message over the weekend and asks if I am mad at her. To which I reply that I am upset that I can no longer trust her. I expected her to just keep her mouth shut no matter what anyone said to her. Play dumb, nod and smile...whatever...you promised, you swore to secrecy.

I still cant talk about this in full detail because there still has been no damn announcement at work! 2 weeks, I am losing my patience. This sure was a lot to ask of someone. You publicly announce the job posting. Everyone knows there has been interviews, people have been told they did not get the position and 2 people have been told something, but they cant talk about it. Rumors have been spreading like wild fires in California. I am out of things to tell people. I am just going with I cant talk about it right now. Which just makes people talk. I was trying to totally avoid that in the beginning by just saying no I hadn't heard anything, but now I just give up.

(9/9)
Finally my new promotion has been announced! I could not be happier to be in more of a leadership role at work. I am finally getting paid for the job that I have been doing for the last year, which is problem solving, help desk calls and going above and beyond what is expected. I do have to wait for someone to be trained to take my place before I can officially start, but my increase in pay has started even though I am not able to start my new duties.

Of course there has been a bit of drama with this promotion from my fellow co-workers because this job wasn't posted. Remember I talked about the job I applied for didn't have the greatest hours, 4 days a week 10 hour shifts. Well I actually got a better job. When I accepted the position I knew there would be some tongue in cheek remarks and not everyone would be happy for my success, but that is okay. I know that I earned the job based on my merit, or I would not have presented with the better position.

I am also starting to talk to my friend again. I may not start trusting her with my inner most secrets, but I could tell she was truly sorry. Hopefully she has learned when to keep her mouth shut from now on. I do care about her and would hate to see our friendship be over.

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

2009-09-08T02:40:00.001-05:00

The illness I live with is: Migraine disease
I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2009
But I had symptoms since:2001
The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: learning how to say no, I cant be in 2 places at one time, nor can my schedule be packed full. I have to take some "me time"
Most people assume: that if I am smiling I am feeling fine, no I am just good at faking it, so you don't ask.
The hardest part about mornings is: nothing, I sleep in the mornings :)
My favorite medical TV show is: Eleventh Hour and House
A gadget I couldn’t live without is: my yahoo toolbar
The hardest part about nights is: my restless leg syndrome
Each day I take: 3 Topamax, 10 sprays of Migra Spray and 2 capfuls of a liquid multi-vitamin
Regarding alternative treatments I: use meditation & aromatherapy
If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I wish I didn't have to chose, but visible would be my choice.
Regarding working and career: I am still lucky enough to to be able to work every day. My career is very important to me.
People would be surprised to know: I used to refuse to take medication. I hated to even take a Tylenol for a headache.
The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: that I do have to set limits for myself
Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: I am learning to write and express myself through my blog. Hopefully I will be able to do something more in the future.
The commercials about my illness: there are commercials? I hate commercials
Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: socially drinking
It was really hard to have to give up: a non set sleep schedule. I liked being able to go to bed when I wanted and sleep in how ever long I wanted too, now it is important that I go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time.
A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: learning as much as I can about migraines.
If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I would plan my normal day sometime in the future so I could actually plan something and know 100% that I was going to be migraine free.
My illness has taught me: do what you can on the good days and try to not feel guilty about what you left on the bad days
Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: When I tell people that I have a migraine and they offer me a Tylenol, please don't, it doesn't help my migraine and just reminds me that I have an incurable disease.
But I love it when people: ask me about my doctor's appointments
My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: My disabling chronic illness is more real than your imaginary medical expertise. - You Don't Look Sick
When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: even when you feel like you are at your wits end, or you feel like you have lost all hope, there is lots of web support and to keep the faith.
Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: the inaccurate or out of date information on the Internet about migraines.
The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: my husband brushes my hair to ease my pain and to relax me
I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: we need more people aware that just because you can't see someone physically ill, doesn't mean they aren't in pain.
The fact that you read this list makes me feel: that there is hope and that together we can make a difference.

You can find out more about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and the 5-day free virtual conference with 20 speakers Sept 14-18, 2009 at www.invisibleillness.com.

One Year Anniversary

2009-09-07T21:43:00.004-05:00

This Sunday was our one year anniversary. We had a really good weekend. Friday started out well. We headed to the St. Louis Arch. I have lived here for several years and still hadn't made it to the top, so that was on the to do list. The view at the top of the arch is just simply amazing. The weather was gorgeous. I was a little disappointed because my camera was not working, but thankfully Dustin's camera phone took pretty good pictures.

Saturday we had a cook out with our friends that we like to get together with and go out to eat, but instead they just invited a couple of different couples to their house. They were having some issues with their air conditioning, and with all the cooking going on in the house it was just was HOT HOT HOT. I really tried to stay cool, because I knew the heat is a major trigger for a migraine, but I failed. Luckily I was able to take some Zomig and at least hang on for another hour or two.

Sunday we just hung out and spent some quality time together. We went to a Japanese restaurant. It was really awesome. I love the show the cook puts on and the food is always great. We watched a couple movies that I bought him for his gift. As ya'll already know I got my gift early, which was my laptop.

I feel so blessed to have such a great man walking by my side, not in front, or behind me, but right beside me!

Double Feature Friday

2009-09-04T00:15:00.005-05:00

This Friday is a little different because I am discussing someone who has been part of my migraine support system,so I want to write about her blog and how much she has been a factor in my life over the years.

This weeks featured blog is Pink Pearl Girl's Migraine World for a number of different reasons. Pam is my ex-step mom, but the ex part is still hard for me to say. Pam blogs about current news events with migraines and medications. She is an advocate for migraine and stroke. She has suffered from Migraines since she was a teenager,and unfortunately has Fibromyalgia and Raynaud's disease as well.

Pam was there for me in so many ways when I was growing up through my teenage years. She was always there to listen to me when I had a problem that I didn't know how to talk to with my dad. One situation particularly comes to mind, birth control pills for the sexually active teenager..need I say more. We sat down and discussed the situation to my dad and she even called and made my first appointment with her OBGYN.

My dad and her lived several hours away from where I lived with my grandparents in the beginning of their relationship, so I would only visit occasionally through out the school year and a few weeks during the summer, but I can always remember she would have fun stuff for us to do. She took me to get my hair cut one time and I got the best head massage with my hair wash that I haven't been able to duplicate since. She had a Sega game system that I would play all weekend, I loved that sonic the hedgehog. Pam really never tried to be my "mother", but I sure respected her like one. I'm sure I was the typical teenager and didn't show it like I should have. I also remember being included and accepted into her family like a daughter.

I remember being so excited when I got the news that her and my dad would be moving to the same town that I lived in. I loved her so much by then. I really wanted to move in with them, but the ever so controlling grandparents would not have anything to do with that. My weekends were heavily spent with her and...my dad.

I can also remember her being in a lot of pain from her migraines. I remember having to drive her to the hospital one night because she had a really bad migraine. She needed a shot.(Now that I am writing this and remembering this stuff, I wonder what that shot was?) I really tried to understand, but it was hard. I didn't want her to be sick. I wanted her to feel good, so we could go do stuff. I was a teenage girl. I wanted to go shopping. I wanted to talk. I didn't want to hang out with my dad, he was boring. He wanted to watch barf (our code word for golf) on TV and drink his scotch. I also remembering having to defend her against other family members who just didn't want to understand her disease. I would not allow anyone to talk about her in front of me. People can be cruel when they think their shit doesn't stink and they live in a glass house.

I went off to college, she, my dad, and brother(love you Sammy) moved away, but we still kept in contact for a few years, until I went through a very rough patch in my life and lost all contact with her and my dad. I later found out that she and my dad got a divorce.

I joined a migraine yahoo group and low and behold I found her back in my life again. I was really happy because I knew if anyone could help me figure out what was going on with my head pain she was the one. Then when I had to go to the hospital for my first status migraine. I had her call me because I was so scared and nervous.

So, In case I didn't say it as a kid, or I haven't said it often enough lately...

THANK YOU PAM!

Love will Conquer All... But Migraines...

2009-09-03T01:15:00.001-05:00

Recently I have discussed friends that have not been supportive of my migraines. I do however have someone who is so supportive of me and my migraines and that is my wonderful husband. He is my best friend. The first time I had to call my husband home from work to take me to the Emergency Room he got home so quick you would have thought he had a police escort. He holds my hair back when I am sick, or will brush my hair when I need to relax.

Whenever I just need to talk about what is frustrating me or when I don't understand something he is always there to listen to me. We will work together to come to a solution that will fit both of our needs. I must admit that sometimes I think he makes sure my needs are more met than his these days. He does all the grocery shopping and cooking and even conformed to my special needs diet like a champ.

He has been to all my doctors appointments with me, so that he can better understand this disease with me. I can see it hurts him when I am hurting from a migraine. I never have to question his love for me. He shows me in his actions everyday.

I really hope I am half the wife to him that he is the husband to me.

Who is your support person?

Poignant Pal

2009-09-01T02:43:00.008-05:00

So living with migraines and trying to find my triggers has been a struggle and a blessing. I have found some triggers that I am not happy about like aged cheese. Some of my favorite places to eat have aged cheese in my favorite meals. It is also a blessing by knowing what to avoid to try to reduce the number of migraines that I have to suffer through.

The other day I am sitting at work and my co-worker/dinner buddy comes over to my desk and wants to know if I want to go out to dinner with her. She tells me she going to Bread Co. for a salad to which I tell her, oh I cant eat there anymore because of the blue cheese in the salad. It is a big trigger for a me to have a migraine. She is totally put off. Like I am making it up because I just don't want to go out to eat with her or something. She is like just a little bit wont hurt, or cant you just pick it out? Pick it out, seriously? Have you ever tried to pick out blue cheese crumbles, there are tiny pieces everywhere! Then she says you could always get the salad without the cheese. Yes I realize this, and maybe she is just trying to be helpful, but now it just feels like she is patronizing me. I am trying to deal with this in my own way right now. If I told her that I would have some visible reaction like my face would swell up with red blisters if one little piece of blue cheese made it into my salad would she have dropped it and thought of somewhere else to eat?

I do try to put myself into the other person's shoes, they cant see migraines. It is a hard disease to understand. They don't have them, so there is no reason for them to be educated. I don't want their sympathy. I don't want to be treated any differently. What I do want however, is for other people to know that I know my body and I do know what is best for it. I am the one living with this disease, and when I say no I don't want that glass of wine, that salad, or to stay up that extra hour, I am not trying to put you off or inconvenience you in any way. I am just trying to keep my self healthy and pain free.

US OPEN

2009-09-01T00:27:00.004-05:00

Today is the start of the US Open Tennis Tournament. I'm cheering for you Serena. As ya'll can probably tell I am a huge tennis fan, and yes my husband knew this before he married me and still loved me anyway. Thanks honey!
I really wish we could get some new American girls out on the court that could show some dominance. Venus and Serena are only going to be on the court for a few more years, and then we are going to be left with no one. There isn't one single American woman in the top 50 after Venus and Serena who are in the top 10. There are however plenty of Russian woman who live in the United States that still claim Russia as their homeland. This doesn't make any sense to me. How can you live somewhere your entire life, well all but 3 years of it, and not be a resident of that country or a citizen for that matter? When do we just say ok it is time to apply for your citizenship and start playing for the United States. Maybe I just don't understand all that is involved. I just don't want to see my sport die out. Come on Girls, I know we have some American Tennis Champions out there!

Hope

2009-08-30T15:41:00.003-05:00

Friday I had an appointment with my PCP and found out I was doing awesome with my diabetes. My A1C was at a normal persons range of 5.4. I had also lost 23 pounds since April. Talk about exciting news!

I also had my appointment with my HA Specialist Dr. B., He was just wonderful. My whole appointment lasted 2 hours. He went over all my prior history,and listened to every detail that I could possibly pour out. He upped my Topamax and put me on Zomig. He also gave me Cataflam to use when the Zomig doesn't knock out the migraine for the first dose and Zofran for nausea.

I have been having a lot of stress at work that I cant write about until later, incase anyone from work is reading this, so I will update that when I can.

I am off to lay down with what I thought was just going to be a dull headache that has now turned into a full blown migraine. Lets keep our fingers crossed for the Zomig!

The Thai House

2009-08-15T23:02:00.002-05:00

Today my husband and I had planned on going out to eat with another couple to a new restaurant. We really have been wanting to venture out of the steak and potatoes cuisine, and try different cultures of food. So, tonight was the first night, and we chose a Thai restaurant. We have heard a lot of people say they loved the food and how everything was so fresh. This place was in a really small town in Illinois. I swear you could have farted and drove right through it. Of course the place was on Main street, probably because they only have one street and that would be MAIN. We all ate very light today, so we were sure not to ruin our appetite. We thought 5 o'clock would be a good time to leave, since it is only going to take us about 15 minutes to get there. We are sure to beat the dinner rush. I know what all my southern friends are thinking, 5'oclock is the dinner rush, no that is in North Carolina. In Missouri the dinner rush is 6. Weird..I know! Anyway..Dustin and I go over to our friends house so we can take one car. We are all really excited, and I am really enjoying the view. Anytime we go somewhere new it is like a big adventure for me, since I am not from this area, there is always lots for me to look at. So here we are in Columbia, IL and headed towards Main street when we start seeing signs that say detour. WTF?! Detour to where exactly? Guess what the hell today was! 150 years of Columbia, IL Day, which means the whole town and I swear I don't think a person was missing from the whole town was out celebrating in the form of a 2 mile parade. We were stuck, the parade was headed towards Main Street, and there was no escaping. We are sitting in the car watching the parade talking to a police officer asking if this is going to be over anytime soon, we are just here to try out a resturant in their 150 year old town. He makes us sit there for about 30 minutes and then I guess starts to feels sorry for us, so he backs his police car up so we can turn into down the road, into parade mind you, so we can turn around and find the back entrance to Main Street. I was so embarrassed and relieved at the same time. We were all starving and ready to find out if we were even going to be able to eat at this establishment. Luckily we did find the place the food was amazing! I took some pictures of the parade, but I can't find the cord that I plug into my phone to the pc. So, I will just leave you with this link I found at youtube. They had about 3 of these, and they were a riot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrS9nJ6q-uI

I love Jen-ay

2009-08-14T19:29:00.016-05:00

So, for the last couple of days I have been hooked on ~~phonics~~ Jenny Ryan's Blog. I really feel like I have went through her physical journey right along with her. But and there is a BUT, she makes me laugh until I feel like I am going to pass out or pee my pants, which ever comes first. I actually made my husband,who was intensely watching a move, pause the DVR (the greatest invention since the internet) just so I could read him this. Jenny never give up blogging, you are truly an inspiration to us that are just starting out.

Jenny this is for you!

Jelly Beans

2009-08-13T17:53:00.004-05:00

I saw this on Goggle's Joke of the day and I thought it would make an awesome topic for me to blog about today.

Discontinued Jelly Bean Flavors.

10.Cigarette...this really is too bad, maybe more people including me would stop.
9.Substitute Teacher...that's hot
8.WD-40 http://www.wd40.com/pdfs/WD-40_2000UsesList.pdf
7.Grandma...this would probably taste like moth balls.
6.Taxi...see number 10
5.Sand...probably a bit gritty
4.Dimetapp...I used to love to have a cough when I was a kid!
3.Burn Victim...burnt popcorn comes to mind, that smell lingers forever
2.New Car..loses its flavor before you even get it to your mouth
1.Gangrene...maybe you need some WD-40 for that

And speaking of jelly beans, I think I have missed them the most since my diagnosis of Diabetes. Buttered Popcorn from Jelly Belly has always been my favorite. I still find myself in ~~need~~ want of sugar I will often run to the grocery store for a little bag of them. I can't completely deprive myself of all things yummy.

JINX

2009-08-12T17:51:00.005-05:00

Honestly how could I really be so stupid? Did I really think I could rejoice in the fact that I have been migraine free for the last 11 days, and not have the monster roar it's ugly head the very next day? My neck is so stiff that I feel like someone could hit me with a baseball bat and it would actually feel good. Maybe I can commit some petty crime and I would be thrown to the town square for public humiliation and the guillotine. OFF WITH MY HEAD!

I am just so damn irritable, so easily frustrated. It is just not me. I am such a laid back person. I can't stand how my personality changes. I get so angry! I hate missing work and like I have said before I make myself work through my migraines. On the rare occasion I will call in sick, but it is only because either my aura has just hit as I am ready to leave for work and it will not go away, or I am hovering over the bathroom toilet and can't seem to get up. I will come in with my sunglasses and my ice packs and just down right suffer. Of course when I get home I am much sicker. I feel like I could just lay down and die. Which is exactly what I will be doing tonight.

Great Week

2009-08-11T23:31:00.003-05:00

I have had a great migraine free week. I don't know really what I have done. My last migraine was a week and half ago that lasted three terrible days. I was able to find another trigger in aged cheese. I have now cut deli meat, aged cheese, nuts, alcohol, aspartame, and NutraSweet from my diet. Of course just when I really made a true commitment to keep my headache journal up to date, I have only had one migraine to document. Granted that migraine was painful as hell and I thought it would never go away no matter how many triptans I took. I ended up taking 2 Maxalts and a couple of Vicodin. I could go check my journal for the exact doses, but I am lazy and don't feel like getting up. I thought for sure I would end up with a migraine this week as I am having a bit of anxiety due to the fact that I should find out if I got my new job, and it never fails that when my stress level is up a migraine is sure to follow. I guess I am kinda laid back about whether or not I get the position as I blogged about before, so maybe I am not stressed out as I normally would be. Work has been busy busy busy and that for sure will bring out a migraine in people that may have never experienced one before, so again I am left asking myself...what is different. I wish I could just say, who cares. Part of me wants to believe that, maybe they will never come back, maybe that was my last one, but the realist in me knows better. I cant help but wonder is this the calm before the storm, is the next one going to be the worst migraine I have ever had? What if I cant manage it, what if I have to go to the hospital and be treated like a drug seeker for drugs I don't even like, because of the way they make me feel. I do not enjoy the out of my mind feeling, or the so drowsy feeling that I must sleep or pass out, or the way my face goes limp like I have had a stroke. On top of all that the drugs usually do not make the migraine go away, when the drugs wear off the migraine is still there, yes it is less on the pain scale and I can tolerate it for the next day or so until it is completely gone. I am very appreciative of the anti-nausea drugs though. Without those I know I would not battle those fluorescent lights, that for some reason can't be turned down. Anyone else wonder why there is no light switch in the ER rooms, or at least a dimmer?

I had to have another A1C test, which is a blood test that tests my blood sugar over a three month period of time. It was only a couple of hours that my doctor's office was calling to schedule an appointment to discuss the results, so I am sure it was not great. I really have been watching my carbs and my sugar intake, so if my blood sugar is still high then I am going to have to start taking Metformin. I really hate having to get my blood drawn. I am one of those people that my veins are not easy to find and will roll and blow out. Needless to say when I went in on Friday to get my test done I had the nurse stick me three times digging for my vein, then she looks at me as my face I am sure is turning white and asks, "Are you ok?" Umm Nope! She then goes and gets another RN and she finds a vein in my hand that she has no trouble getting the blood out of, but as she pulls the needle out, my vein blows and swells like 2 inches above my hand. I have a solid black and blue bruise all down my hand. I really hope that I don't have to have my blood drawn again anytime soon.

My husband got me an early anniversary gift! I finally got my laptop. He really is better than Santa Claus.

Interview Today

2009-08-04T11:00:00.003-05:00

Today I have an interview for a new job at my current workplace. It is one of those jobs that I am on the fence about, because the extra pay is very enticing, but the hours suck. I would lose my weekends with husband. The job will be 4 ten hour days, Sat, Sun, Mon, and Tues, so I while I am exciting about having the extra money, I am not so excited about working every weekend. Of course I will give my interview my all, and just let fate play itself out.

I am still struggling with my migraines. I did find these new ice packs from medi-temp.com. The ice pack wraps around your head, and it helps me stay productive while I am at work. I have really been keeping my headache journal up to date. I have even started listing the small headaches that I get sometimes during the day. I think I worry about those and wonder if that worry will lead into a major migraine. I also worry that when I take any medication for those small headaches that I am going to turn that headache into a rebound headache. Worry, worry, worry.... Does anyone else with migraines worry this much. I never have been this much of a worrier before, but since I started getting these debilitating migraines, it seems I can't stop the worry of when the next migraine is going to come, or when I have a migraine I worry the pain will never end. Is this normal?? I am still super excited for my appointment with the Ryan Headache Specialist. I have a list of questions, and I really hope that I will get some answers. I know that I may not have a life without migraines again, but I would at least like to have a LIFE!

All In One

2009-08-02T12:02:00.002-05:00

Well a lot has been going on since my last blog. My psedo tumor cerebi did come back, so I had to get a spinal tap. Wow those have changed so much in 8 years. I was petrified and really wished I had a something to calm my nerves, so I wouldn't have been so tense when I went in. The nurses could all tell that I was so scared, so I explained the last time I had one of the lovely spinal taps and how I ended up getting poked about 8 times or more before the doctor found the right entry point and how I left there with a scab about the size of a nickle on my back. Well now they take an x-ray of your back so the doctor knows the exact entry point. The worst part honestly was the numbing shot. I did end up having a little spinal headache, but the pressure headache was gone almost immediately, my vision was clearing as I was laying on that hard metal table. My neuro was a complete idiot so while I am thankful he helped me out in my desperate situation I will not be going back to him.
I am still having major migraines at least once to twice a week, sometimes they are too bad for me to even go to work. I just dont want to live like this. I hate having to cancel plans or always feel like just when I am having a good time somewhere that I will have to leave. I also really hate having to drag my husband home when I know he is not wanting to leave. Why should he have to suffer when he is not suffering from a migraine. I found a new set of doctors called Headache Specialist.They are with the Ryan Headache Clinic here in Saint Louis, MO. I have heard good things about the doctor I am going to see from ACHE, so I really hope that he will at least be able to help me find my triggers, and at the very least give me some medication that will be able to soothe the migraine so I can function through out the day. Then if I need to come home after work, or after my movie or after hanging out with my friends, or just whatever....I can. I just want to be able to live MY LIFE!

OBGYN Fired..

2009-06-09T10:54:00.003-05:00

Well the OB visit was a complete waste of time. I was totally rushed out. I was there to talk to him about the possibility of PCOS, and a few other things. He let me tell him I was having menstrual migraines, high blood sugar, then he asks me if I have unwanted facial hair and I told him yes under my chin. "Yep sounds like PCOS, Lets draw some blood and get an ultra sound for any cysts" and as I was reaching down for my list of other things I wanted to talk to him about he was gone..yep that's right out of the room. Session was over. I had questions!! I left that office in a state of tears. He wanted to see me back in 2 weeks, well his schedule wasn't permitting that. It would be over a month before I could see him again. I went ahead and made the appointment for the 6 weeks later, came home and cried my eyes out. I called my family doctor and she told me to come in right away and speak with her. I know they could tell I was having some emotional distress. She sat and went over my list with me and probably talked to me for a good 30 minutes. I felt a lot better and called the OB's office back and canceled all appointments. I will be finding another OB to take care of my needs. One that does not rush me out the door or just walks out on me.

Opinions are like....

2009-05-12T19:22:00.004-05:00

Everyone knows the old saying. It never fails. It seems like every person that I have come in contact with who has heard about my recent diagnoses has an opinion of something I could do or something else that I could have. Enough people! I am seeing a dietitian and nutritionist. I do not have to eat 6 small meals a day no matter if every single diabetic you have ever known has done this. Yes I know that I do not need to go 6 hours without eating something to maintain a healthy sugar level, but seriously I am not waking myself up in the morning to eat. Thank you for reminding me that the drugs that I am using for my migraines are chemicals and are not healthy for my body, and that I need to get a second opinion to see if I really need to be on them. Hell yes I need to be on them. I can already tell the frequency of my migraines has decreased. Sometimes I wish I could just say all the these things on my mind, but I am totally a non confrontational person and I will just grin and bare it until I am able to write about it.

I have been walking anywhere from 1 to 2 miles a day and really getting my heart rate up. Still drinking lots of water, a gallon or more. I am staying way under my daily 180 carb intake. I feel like a making lots of progress, however my sugar is still remaining high. I am seeing my OBGYN tomorrow for some more testing and talking. I am really trying to stay positive.

Weekend

2009-05-04T17:54:00.000-05:00

I had a Migraine on Saturday that I was able to treat with Maxalt well enough to visit some friends. We haven't seen them in a while. Craig and Julie had a baby in February, and boy o' boy or should I say girl o' girl has she grown. She is cute as a button. Thank goodness she looks like her mother, just kidding dad. We watched a movie called You Don't Mess with the Zohan. It was really funny and even I manged to chuckle despite my migraine. Craig can make a mean grilled chicken. In fact he make a mean anything when it comes grilling food. He also makes the best and I mean best salsa I have ever eaten. Good news is I don't have to worry with my diabetes with the salsa or the grilled food, all in moderation I know, I know. I just have to watch out when Julie gets her hand in the kitchen because she can make some delicious gooey butter cookies. Those will be ever so hard to resist. We left kinda early for the night because my neck was still so sore from sleeping on it wrong last Tuesday. However, Julie had one of those messager things and my wonderful husband(who I plan to blog about later because he deserves an entire entry) got the kink out and it was all fixed up by Sunday.

Sunday was a lazy day, even though I felt really great. I really need to start making myself do stuff when I feel good. I did get to clean up the house some.

My Quiet Place

2009-05-01T13:56:00.000-05:00

I have my quiet place all set up with my water, meds, soft relaxing music, ice packs, a book to read for as long as my head can stand it, but this blog has proved to be so therapeutic that sometimes I wish there was a real life Santa Claus that could bring me a laptop. Weekends have proven themselves to be the worse times for my migraines. I am trying not to be a lazy bum, but when the pressure in my head makes me feel like if I move an inch I am going to puke or have my head explode I would rather just lay down.
Today if my friends have found my blog which I suspect they have since I posted the link on my Facebook, these migraines are why we don't make plans. They are why we don't hang out. They are why we don't talk on the phone as much as you would like us too. I have suffered and smiled when we hung out before trying to play the good sport, but I just can't anymore. When I tell you politely I am ready to go and you don't listen I can't trust you to listen now. I realize I am an inconvenience for you to be friends with, but I do value what friendship we do have. I wish I had more good days than bad. I wouldn't wish migraines on my worst enemy, however I would wish that everyone would experience just one in their lifetime. Then maybe they would have a better understanding of what exactly us migraineurs' go though. Instead of feeling like I have have let everyone down around me, it would be extremely nice for someone to say "How are you feeling today? Would you care to come over and have some quiet time at my house? Maybe I could brush your hair, or rub your neck. We could watch a movie with the volume set low. These are the type of friends I need right now, I'm sorry I cant be more...

Rain Rain

2009-04-30T16:51:00.000-05:00

Go away. While I know the rain is good for nature and the yummy fruits and veggies I eat; my head can not stand it! The rain started last night and I woke up with a migraine this morning. I managed to come to work, however the pain has increased ever since. I usually do not like to take new medication while I work, but it was either take the Maxalt and see how I react or go home and medicate. I chose to try to work. It is working fantastic. No nasty side effects other than feeling really nice. I actually cant believe how fast it is working. It only took about 45 minutes. I started my 50mg of Topamax on Tuesday, and I swear it is taking a piece of my intelligence with it. Thank you lord for spell checker. I have not always been the best speller, but it nearly took me 3 minutes to figure out that since was not spelled sense(hey at least I knew it was not the right spelling I was looking for). I do apologize if any grammatical errors appear on my blog, I promise they are not intentional, and I do try to read and re-read over my post before I publish. I am going to have to learn how to cope being on this medication and being a perfectionist. I really wish I had the mentality some days just say well I tried my best even if I fail at something. Failure is a really hard word for me. It is why I don't set goals for myself too high. I know that if I have to struggle to reach them and fail, I will go into huge bout of depression.

Ground Control To Major Tom

2009-04-29T13:37:00.000-05:00

President Barack Obama is in Saint Louis today and wowzers talk about ground and air control. Every overpass and ramp leading onto the highway had a police officer attending it. There were helicopters everwhere. It was really cool. Too bad I couldnt have seen him in person.

I had a really bad Migraine on Saturday. I am committed to working through them when I get them at work, but man o' man puking in a public toilet is so disgusting. As soon as I got home I took an Imitrex for the first time since I got them. I didn't want to medicate myself at work other than my not so trusty Excedrin Migraine, which I took, I guess for shits and giggles because it didn't do a thing. Maybe it was because I have become immune to it, or I threw it up 10 minutes later. The Imitrex made me so sick, however it helped my Migraine tremendously...for about 2 hours then the migraine started creeping back. My throat felt so tight and my stomach felt like high tide. My neck was so sore I ended up moving my ice pack from my head to my neck for some relief. I finally just ended up taking some Vicodin. Later that night I decided I needed some comfort food the ever so almighty cheese toast. When I pulled the toast from the oven it smelled sickly sweet, and tears just started running down my face. My husband asked me what could be wrong and I just started sobbing. I just couldn't stop. No more Imitrex for me.

Diabetes

2009-04-28T13:30:00.000-05:00

Just a disclaimer in case I have any readers not that I do, but whatever..here it is..I am probably not going to be this active of a blogger in the future. I am just trying to play catch up so that when I feel like I need to blog about current events such as my neighbor at work painting her nails or the department that sits a few yards away from me decides to pop balloons in spirit for going green..oh yes people these entries will be soon to come..I can do so freely and timely without the need for anyone to have to backtrack.

So yea..diabetes. First word that came to my mind when I heard that lovely diagnoses. SUGAR I love sugar, who doesn't. In fact even when I thought I was doing good things like drinking the ever so yummy Vitamin water I was filling my body with lots and lots of sugar. Now I have never been a health nut, but I would have like to have said I was at least health conscience. Now maybe I am thinking not so much. I have always knew that I could stand to lose some weight, drink lots more water and exercise a whole lot more, but I have always just thrown those ideas to the place where I put things in my mind that I don't like to think about too often, you know that same place where you store your spring cleaning lists. I knew my biggest cut back was going to be soda. I am pretty sure if I were truly honest with myself, and if I cant be honest with myself on this blog then there is no point in writing it, I drank soda all day long and nothing else. What was I going to do? Could I realistically just cut out all soda. I knew I couldn't switch to diet soda because NutraSweet is a poison when it comes to my migraines. When I started the Topamax it came with strict instructions to drink as much water as I possibly could, or I could get kidney stones. Great!.. something as small as drinking water has defeated me so many times in the past I thought I was doomed for failure. Guess what though, water has become a necessity. The slightest bit parched and I am feeling queasy and shaky. I am up to a gallon of water of day with no struggles. I do want to mention that I did find Diet Coke with Splenda, so when I am feeling like I need some caffeine I can have a can of soda. I feel Triumphant!

Insurance!

2009-04-28T10:32:00.000-05:00

Insurance companies really know where to get ya. I left my doctors office to go get my prescriptions filled for the Topamax, Imitrex and the Vicodin that I was given at the ER. I paid a 10 dollar co-pay for the Topamax and 3 dollars for the 20 Vicodin. Then it came time for the Imitrix, which is not a narcotic. My insurance has classified this as a tier 3 drug so I had a 50 dollar co pay for 4, yes count them 4 pills! My RX said 9! Are they my doctor? Did they speak with me? Do they know the frequency of my migraines? NO NO and NO!!! Basically I have been getting really bad migraines about twice a week so when I left I am thinking I only have enough Imitrex for one migraine a week. Great let the suffering begin..I do know now that the Vicodin will help as my rescue drug when the Imitrex will not or I guess in this case when it runs out. But still what was the point in going to the doctor, having her help me and then having limitations set before me from my Insurance company? A company who has had made money from me in the past years. I know I should count my blessings that I do have insurance because without it..well I just cant put it into words. Constant Migraine is probably best fitting. I still felt the need to gripe though. Last time I checked and I am still not fully researched but Vicodin is addictive and Imitrex is not. So what gives insurance company?

Sweet Migraines...NOT!

2009-04-27T23:22:00.000-05:00

Migraines are defiantly not sweet, but this is about my new journey with diabetes and migraines.

Imagine having the worst headache of your life taking any OTC drug you can with no relief only to wake up the next morning with blood shot eyes, swollen eye lids, nausea, and a pounding throb in your head that feels like the clock has just struck midnight on New Year's Eve. That was Tuesday...I was scared. I went to the Emergency Room in a panic, only to be put in a room with bright florescence lights with no dim or OFF switch. I was in pain, of course my blood pressure was going to be high no worries that will go down once we find out what is going on with my head. I knew these headaches that I had been getting over probably the past year were not like the same ones I had right before I got my Pseudo-Tumor Cerebri, so I was really nervous as to what could be the cause of these increasingly worse migraines. I had a cat scan done done in the ER and everything was fine. The doctor gave me some Phenergan and Tordol. The Tordol didn't do a thing for me. I was still in some major pain. I had to tell two nurses that my head was still hurting before finally being given some dilaudid. Oh that is some good stuff let me tell ya. Just as I am sitting on cloud nine maybe ten at this point the doctor is going over my release papers and drops the bomb of all bombs.."Did you know you have high blood sugar?" Uh no, (expletive) was my exact response. "Yeah it is pretty high, you need to see your primary care physician as soon as possible, like tomorrow." So I ask, Could this be the cause of my migraines? (Doctor) Well, a spike in your blood sugar up or down could cause a headache. Yes, nod,... but my migraines..., doh said the naughty word again, Oh I forgot to mention that he got a little snippy when I was telling him about my head hurting and I kept calling my head pain a migraine. He was like lets not call it a migraine until you have been diagnosed with migraine, and of course at that point I didn't give a damn what he wanted to call it as long as he made the pain go AWAY! So, anyway I left the hospital a little more scared than when I came in considering I went in with a migraine and left a diabetic, its not like I could have got a refund of my co-pay or anything. Too bad diabetes isn't like a shirt you just love at the store, take it home to try it on and it doesn't fit, so you return it.
I did see my Dr. M the next day. She really is a wonderful caring doctor, who really listens to me and answers all my trillion questions. Of course, she was just as concerned with my sugar as the ER doctor, but she also understood my migraine, a word I can officially use now, not that I really wanted to or anything. I am to go a diabetic learning center to learn all about diabetes which can be any where from 8-10 hours in one day. Please god let me survive this class. I am also on Topamax and Imitrex for my migraines.

I have much more to write, but I this is the end of the first complete day.