Sweet Migraines

Ok so here I am ranting about work again...I am just so frustrated. First there seems to be a problem with a fan in the ceiling again. It sounds like the Wheel of Fortune spinner every 15 minutes. Last winter I called building maintenance, they came out and claimed they couldn't hear anything and left. Well I had my manager sit at my desk for five minutes, and she heard it and called them back out. So the maintenance man crawled up into the ceiling and poked around and pretty much said "I don't know what I did, but hopefully it is fixed". It was until last week, and now today it was crazy loud again. I think it is because we went from heat to cool air. Let the migraine begin!!!

Second my co-workers are not coming back to work. I really try to be sympathetic. I know one of them is going through a tough time in her life, but it is really hard. I just don't know how long I can keep this up.

I came home and took my first injection of Imitrex, wow the burn hurts. I was warned by my HA that it would happen this way, but it sure makes me cry for my Zomig. Let's at least hope the results are least the same. I would hate to think I have gone through the pain of the migraine today and now the ouch of the injection coupled by the burn of the medicine and it do nothing for my head.

I went to pick up my prescriptions today and let me tell you I think my local chain pharmacist is an idiot. First when I dropped them off yesterday I had a consult with him because Dr. B gave me two prescriptions one that he hoped my insurance would cover and one that he knew they would. The first one was for Sumavel DosePro. It is a needless injection of Imitrex or sumatriptan, the other was the Imitrex with the needle. I told the pharmacist that I did not want to fill the Sumavel if my insurance was not going to cover it because I had already been warned of how expensive it was going to be. He really acted like I was putting him out for even bringing in my prescriptions, or asking to have a consult with him. I had brought several other prescriptions in that I just wanted to put on file but did not want to fill at that time. And with prior experiences I did not want to leave there with meds that I did not need because of incompetent pharmacy techs. Well apparently he is just as incompetent.

The first thing that happened when I got home with my medicine was the label said to take by mouth, um ok I obviously have the wrong stuff, even though it looks just like what the nurse showed me in the office on Friday. The second thing is there is no needle to inject the medicine into my mouth or my thigh.  I asked my husband to get back in the car and drive me back up there so that I can find out what is going on. Shame on me for not looking before I left. No complaints from hubby, we were going to grab something to eat anyway.

The pharmacist tries to blame my doctor for not writing the prescription correctly when I get there and that is why I get a refill instead of the starter kit. I was livid right about then, because no one trashes my doctor. I read the prescription very clearly, and I even read it aloud with the stupid pharmacist yesterday. I made him go back and read it and it did clearly say, kit and refill x 6. I walked out of there with two the first time and a label that said by mouth! He couldn't come up with an excuse fast enough for why the label said by mouth and didn't even bother to apologize for the mistake.

I did walk out of there with 6 injections, but they tried to say my insurance would only cover two at first. Then the tech girl put in the computer that it was a two day supply and they covered 4 injections with one co-pay. I had to pay an additional co-pay for the starter kit that had two injections. I can only imagine what this ordeal is going to be like next month.

I really don't understand all this insurance crap, when I was taking Zomig I got a box of 6 and I could get it filled every 2 weeks. It was relieving knowing that when I had a migraine I did not have to hoard my medicine. I did not have to feel like I had to play the wait and see if it got worse game. On the onset of my aura it was time to take my medicine and not worry that I might run out, because I was not limited. I never ran out and I never had to refill more than once a month. But if I am limited to 4 a month and I have 6 migraines, which my migraine journal says I had 6 last month and 5 the month before that, then I am scared....

Since writing this post I came across this article over at MMC http://www.healthcentral.com/migraine/support-446403-5.html at least it is a start in a good direction should I need it.

I saw Dr. B on Friday and honestly I really don't know where my life would be right now without that man. My migraines have been rough for the past couple months. He is so understanding and compassionate. He truly wants to help me get my migraines under control and there is nothing he wont do or try to give me a better quality of life.

My insurance sent me a letter saying they are no longer covering my Zomig as a tier 2 medication and that the price is going way up. They want me to switch to generic Imitrex in shot form. I tried the pill Imitrex before and I had some nasty mood swings on it, but I am going to give it a go again, just to appease the insurance. If I still have the side effects then Dr. B said that we can aggressively fight the insurance company to cover my Zomig again.

Work has been very stressful these last couple of months and I know I have been neglecting my fluids, eating properly, and getting quality sleep, which are all major triggers for me. I know what I need to do, but I find my self so wrapped up in my work that I have lost complete tract of time. I literately look down at the clock and hours have past, and I haven't eaten, drank, or even moved from my desk.  I really don't expect it to get much better, since we are still understaffed, and I am basically doing my job plus two others that have been out sick. One is coming back this week pending the outcome of several more tests, so my hopes are not set too high, and the other one is taking a stress leave after her 3 weeks of vacation time she just burned up....something I may need once this over and she is back in a couple of months.

I do have a game plan though. I am going set up reminders that will pop up on my computer that says get up, go to the bathroom, have a glass of water and a snack, set for every hour this week. I am going to start leaving the office during my lunch again, and I am not going to work over unless absolutely necessary! Maybe when the work starts piling up, and I stop being miss I can do everything I will get some help. Otherwise I am going to be back to where I started as if all good things I have done to control the frequency of my migraines was for nothing. I really don't want to be at that dark place in my life again.

I know I said this before, but I really was happier when I was blogging, so I absolutely must take some me time to de-stress and write. It was fun, and it really helped me wrap the day or week up. It also helped keep tract of how I was feeling when I had a really bad migraine. It is important to me and I must remember the important things.

A change is going to come.....

I am very happy to report that Zomig is my new BFF! I really hate to brag, but this abortive has really helped me. I do not get any nasty side effects other than making me drowsy, but not so severely that I must lay down and go into an unconscious state for several hours.

At my last visit with my Headache Migraine Specialist, Dr. B said to take it as soon as my aura came, so the very next day here came the aura, and I did as I was told. But wait no migraine ever showed up, was this really the zomig? Did it honestly keep my migraine from roaring its ugly head? Dont get me wrong, I knew I had something going on with my head, it was just a dull ache though. Like the kind of ache you get the day after a severe migraine. It was kinda scary and exciting at the same time. I didn't know if I had just taken it too early, maybe I had mistaken my aura for something else. Not sure what else that blinding spot in my left eye that produces those pretty colors could be, maybe my cigarette was laced with LSD, ha! I also wasn't sure how to feel about not acutally suffering through a migraine. Does that make sense to anyone? I am not sure it makes sense to me, let alone anyone else, but somehow strangely that is how I am feeling.


Some days though I wake up with a migraine totally skipping my aura phase and that is when things become a bit more hairy. I am very nauseous and my light and noise sensitivity is through the roof. One dose of Zomig and my migraine is greatly reduced. It isn't completely gone, however I can still function at work and I can take my other medication for the nausea. When I do go to work with a migraine it progressively gets worse and I always worry that I will have some weird side effect show up, so I don't take new drugs at work unless I have taken them at least 3 or 4 times with nothing crazy happening. I have no side effects to report, and I have taken over 4 doses. I was a bit skeptical. When I come home from work through I take another dose of the Zomig and lay down for a bit and the migraine is back down to just a dull ache.

I really think I can start knocking these migraines out at work now. It is almost comforting to know that I will not have to continue down down this destructive path feeling well enough to go to work and then getting to work and feeling like I could chop off my head at any given moment.

I am still working on the part of not feeling guilty about not suffering even a little bit when I am able to catch my migraine during it's aura phase. I feel great, but I cant help but think of the many of you that are not able to get this kind of relief. I still don't know why I think I have to feel this way. As soon as I get that one migraine that is troublesome to treat I remember why I am grateful that I do have something that works so effectively.

So last night I was all excited about getting up and getting ready for work. I was trying to decide which outfit I was going to wear. I even thought I would put on some makeup and fix my hair a little extra nice, even thought I would make a commitment to wear makeup everyday. Guess who decides to show up this morning, oh yeah that's right my not welcome friend migraine, I really thought I had it beat last night. I just had the dull ache by the time I went to bed.

It is really hard getting dressed and being excited about it when you feel like you could split your head open and all would be well. I did not feel like pulling on my hair to fix it up, but I did. I did not feel like brushing on my makeup over my forehead, but I did for the sake of not looking like how I felt.

I knew my head was really bad when I told one person here at work to have a good weekend..um yeah it is Monday, Nicole. I also told someone that Patrick Swazye died on Monday, uh yeah that would be today. See my brain is just not functioning. I am sure I said other things that I just can't seem to recall.

Well I am off work and I am going to hermit in my bedroom, with my icepack and another spray of zomig. Hopefully this will do the trick.

I can remember the days when I was young and before I had such horrible migraines that I could start shopping when the stores open their doors and not come home until the stores would be making their announcement that it was closing time. 


I tried this yesterday, but I defiantly did not make it until closing time. I got up around 9, but didn't manage to leave the house until 10:30 with a friend of mine. We were off to find me some new clothes that were not falling off of me, and that were more business like attire for my new position at work. We hit several different stores before I finally said I need to eat, which I did, but I also knew I needed to rest. We went to Applebees. I love their 2 meals for $20. 


It was really exciting to see that I have gone down one pant size, and two top sizes. I was having a lot of fun trying on clothes. It was total gratification looking at myself in that mirror. 


I came home at modeled my new clothes for my husband and he liked them all. He liked that I got shirts that I could mix and match with other pants. Then I found myself drifting off to sleep, it was only 5 o'clock. I took a nap that lasted until 9 pm. Dang I was tired. There goes my sleep schedule. I still manged to go back to bed at 2 am, which is a usual bed time for me. 


This morning though I woke up with a migraine. I knew I just way over did things. I must keep telling myself that limits are good and that I cant do all things that I once could. It is just so darn hard, and I was having a good time.

I am really thinking about trying to start some type of meditation and relaxation to help with my migraines. I have bought the Soundscape Cd's from Wal-mart, tried to breathe deep and think of beaches and warm fuzzy thoughts, but that usually gets me a whole 10 seconds before my brain will start making to do lists, thinking of what I want to wear tomorrow to work, or how many piles of laundry I am going to need to do this weekend. So yeah, needless to say that just isn't working for me. I tried to search for some blogs that would be able to help give me some techniques to work with but I have not have any luck so far. I will keep searching though. I also thought about hitting the book store this weekend, maybe there is a meditation for dummies out there. Suggestions are welcome!


I also thought about doing some yoga, but I am not limber at all. Some of those poses just scare me. I haven't been able to put my leg behind my head since I was three, but I bet my husband would enjoy watching me try. And I am sure the anticipation of success will just make him eager as a teenage virgin. Most of the websites that I did research about yoga said that I needed to take a yoga for beginners class; then I could go home and do the yoga on my own. Well see I would rather fall on my ass in the comfort of my own home without anyone watching me. Then when I feel like I have had some practice, and I don't feel like I am a total yoga noob I will go to a class. I will report back later with my with how things are going.

(8/31)
How does someone ever make it right? Will I ever feel the same way about this person? There are very few people that I really become close to in life. I mean don't get me wrong I have lots of friends. But the sad part is that they may think they know me, but honestly they don't have the slightest idea about me or my life. I carefully chose who I let in and most of the time I chose correctly. I know ya'll must be thinking what deep dark secret does this girl have?? Well there are a few things that I am just not proud of, and no I am not discussing them here, maybe one day. Nothing horrific like murder or mayhem, just things that show my life wasn't always perfect. It still isn't perfect, but boy I sure have came a long way. I kinda wiped the slate clean when I moved from North Carolina to Missouri.

Recently I trusted someone to keep a secret, it wasn't anything too personal. I got some really good news at work, but I was told I couldn't discuss the news until later. Well I was just absolutely delighted, and I tried really hard to hold it in. A week went past and she asked me about it along with tons of other people and finally I just broke and swore her to secrecy. What a huge mistake. She promised she wouldn't say anything. So a couple more days after I broke my silence go by and still no announcement has been made of my news, and quite frankly I am getting tired of telling people no I haven't heard anything when in fact yes I have and the news is quite good, but thanks to management I cant share my wonderful news so stop asking me questions I cant answer. I still haven't told anyone else though because I am nervous enough just knowing that I have told that one person.

So she is discussing my news with her cubical mate and he is also someone who has applied for the same position that I have. Well that just complicates matters worse. Not only has she broken my trust, but she is talking about this to someone who could seriously get me in me major hot water. I could lose my new job faster than I got it. So of course he gets upset and goes to talk to his supervisor and wants to know what is going on with the job. WHAT THE F! Now I have to smooth things over with him and stroke his ego, something I don't even do with my own husband. Which I did, and everything turned ok. Well everything except for my ego.

She sends me a text message over the weekend and asks if I am mad at her. To which I reply that I am upset that I can no longer trust her. I expected her to just keep her mouth shut no matter what anyone said to her. Play dumb, nod and smile...whatever...you promised, you swore to secrecy.

I still cant talk about this in full detail because there still has been no damn announcement at work! 2 weeks, I am losing my patience. This sure was a lot to ask of someone. You publicly announce the job posting. Everyone knows there has been interviews, people have been told they did not get the position and 2 people have been told something, but they cant talk about it. Rumors have been spreading like wild fires in California. I am out of things to tell people. I am just going with I cant talk about it right now. Which just makes people talk. I was trying to totally avoid that in the beginning by just saying no I hadn't heard anything, but now I just give up.

(9/9)
Finally my new promotion has been announced! I could not be happier to be in more of a leadership role at work. I am finally getting paid for the job that I have been doing for the last year, which is problem solving, help desk calls and going above and beyond what is expected. I do have to wait for someone to be trained to take my place before I can officially start, but my increase in pay has started even though I am not able to start my new duties.

Of course there has been a bit of drama with this promotion from my fellow co-workers because this job wasn't posted. Remember I talked about the job I applied for didn't have the greatest hours, 4 days a week 10 hour shifts. Well I actually got a better job. When I accepted the position I knew there would be some tongue in cheek remarks and not everyone would be happy for my success, but that is okay. I know that I earned the job based on my merit, or I would not have presented with the better position.

I am also starting to talk to my friend again. I may not start trusting her with my inner most secrets, but I could tell she was truly sorry. Hopefully she has learned when to keep her mouth shut from now on. I do care about her and would hate to see our friendship be over.

Recently I have discussed friends that have not been supportive of my migraines. I do however have someone who is so supportive of me and my migraines and that is my wonderful husband. He is my best friend. The first time I had to call my husband home from work to take me to the Emergency Room he got home so quick you would have thought he had a police escort. He holds my hair back when I am sick, or will brush my hair when I need to relax.

Whenever I just need to talk about what is frustrating me or when I don't understand something he is always there to listen to me. We will work together to come to a solution that will fit both of our needs. I must admit that sometimes I think he makes sure my needs are more met than his these days. He does all the grocery shopping and cooking and even conformed to my special needs diet like a champ.

He has been to all my doctors appointments with me, so that he can better understand this disease with me. I can see it hurts him when I am hurting from a migraine. I never have to question his love for me. He shows me in his actions everyday.

I really hope I am half the wife to him that he is the husband to me.

Who is your support person?

So living with migraines and trying to find my triggers has been a struggle and a blessing. I have found some triggers that I am not happy about like aged cheese. Some of my favorite places to eat have aged cheese in my favorite meals. It is also a blessing by knowing what to avoid to try to reduce the number of migraines that I have to suffer through.

The other day I am sitting at work and my co-worker/dinner buddy comes over to my desk and wants to know if I want to go out to dinner with her. She tells me she going to Bread Co. for a salad to which I tell her, oh I cant eat there anymore because of the blue cheese in the salad. It is a big trigger for a me to have a migraine. She is totally put off. Like I am making it up because I just don't want to go out to eat with her or something. She is like just a little bit wont hurt, or cant you just pick it out? Pick it out, seriously? Have you ever tried to pick out blue cheese crumbles, there are tiny pieces everywhere! Then she says you could always get the salad without the cheese. Yes I realize this, and maybe she is just trying to be helpful, but now it just feels like she is patronizing me. I am trying to deal with this in my own way right now. If I told her that I would have some visible reaction like my face would swell up with red blisters if one little piece of blue cheese made it into my salad would she have dropped it and thought of somewhere else to eat?

I do try to put myself into the other person's shoes, they cant see migraines. It is a hard disease to understand. They don't have them, so there is no reason for them to be educated. I don't want their sympathy. I don't want to be treated any differently. What I do want however, is for other people to know that I know my body and I do know what is best for it. I am the one living with this disease, and when I say no I don't want that glass of wine, that salad, or to stay up that extra hour, I am not trying to put you off or inconvenience you in any way. I am just trying to keep my self healthy and pain free.

Friday I had an appointment with my PCP and found out I was doing awesome with my diabetes. My A1C was at a normal persons range of 5.4. I had also lost 23 pounds since April. Talk about exciting news!

I also had my appointment with my HA Specialist Dr. B., He was just wonderful. My whole appointment lasted 2 hours. He went over all my prior history,and listened to every detail that I could possibly pour out. He upped my Topamax and put me on Zomig. He also gave me Cataflam to use when the Zomig doesn't knock out the migraine for the first dose and Zofran for nausea.

I have been having a lot of stress at work that I cant write about until later, incase anyone from work is reading this, so I will update that when I can.

I am off to lay down with what I thought was just going to be a dull headache that has now turned into a full blown migraine. Lets keep our fingers crossed for the Zomig!

Honestly how could I really be so stupid? Did I really think I could rejoice in the fact that I have been migraine free for the last 11 days, and not have the monster roar it's ugly head the very next day? My neck is so stiff that I feel like someone could hit me with a baseball bat and it would actually feel good. Maybe I can commit some petty crime and I would be thrown to the town square for public humiliation and the guillotine. OFF WITH MY HEAD!

I have had a great migraine free week. I don't know really what I have done. My last migraine was a week and half ago that lasted three terrible days. I was able to find another trigger in aged cheese. I have now cut deli meat, aged cheese, nuts, alcohol, aspartame, and NutraSweet from my diet. Of course just when I really made a true commitment to keep my headache journal up to date, I have only had one migraine to document. Granted that migraine was painful as hell and I thought it would never go away no matter how many triptans I took. I ended up taking 2 Maxalts and a couple of Vicodin. I could go check my journal for the exact doses, but I am lazy and don't feel like getting up. I thought for sure I would end up with a migraine this week as I am having a bit of anxiety due to the fact that I should find out if I got my new job, and it never fails that when my stress level is up a migraine is sure to follow. I guess I am kinda laid back about whether or not I get the position as I blogged about before, so maybe I am not stressed out as I normally would be. Work has been busy busy busy and that for sure will bring out a migraine in people that may have never experienced one before, so again I am left asking myself...what is different. I wish I could just say, who cares. Part of me wants to believe that, maybe they will never come back, maybe that was my last one, but the realist in me knows better. I cant help but wonder is this the calm before the storm, is the next one going to be the worst migraine I have ever had? What if I cant manage it, what if I have to go to the hospital and be treated like a drug seeker for drugs I don't even like, because of the way they make me feel. I do not enjoy the out of my mind feeling, or the so drowsy feeling that I must sleep or pass out, or the way my face goes limp like I have had a stroke. On top of all that the drugs usually do not make the migraine go away, when the drugs wear off the migraine is still there, yes it is less on the pain scale and I can tolerate it for the next day or so until it is completely gone. I am very appreciative of the anti-nausea drugs though. Without those I know I would not battle those fluorescent lights, that for some reason can't be turned down. Anyone else wonder why there is no light switch in the ER rooms, or at least a dimmer?

I had to have another A1C test, which is a blood test that tests my blood sugar over a three month period of time. It was only a couple of hours that my doctor's office was calling to schedule an appointment to discuss the results, so I am sure it was not great. I really have been watching my carbs and my sugar intake, so if my blood sugar is still high then I am going to have to start taking Metformin. I really hate having to get my blood drawn. I am one of those people that my veins are not easy to find and will roll and blow out. Needless to say when I went in on Friday to get my test done I had the nurse stick me three times digging for my vein, then she looks at me as my face I am sure is turning white and asks, "Are you ok?" Umm Nope! She then goes and gets another RN and she finds a vein in my hand that she has no trouble getting the blood out of, but as she pulls the needle out, my vein blows and swells like 2 inches above my hand. I have a solid black and blue bruise all down my hand. I really hope that I don't have to have my blood drawn again anytime soon.

My husband got me an early anniversary gift! I finally got my laptop. He really is better than Santa Claus.

Today I have an interview for a new job at my current workplace. It is one of those jobs that I am on the fence about, because the extra pay is very enticing, but the hours suck. I would lose my weekends with husband. The job will be 4 ten hour days, Sat, Sun, Mon, and Tues, so I while I am exciting about having the extra money, I am not so excited about working every weekend. Of course I will give my interview my all, and just let fate play itself out.

I am still struggling with my migraines. I did find these new ice packs from medi-temp.com. The ice pack wraps around your head, and it helps me stay productive while I am at work. I have really been keeping my headache journal up to date. I have even started listing the small headaches that I get sometimes during the day. I think I worry about those and wonder if that worry will lead into a major migraine. I also worry that when I take any medication for those small headaches that I am going to turn that headache into a rebound headache. Worry, worry, worry.... Does anyone else with migraines worry this much. I never have been this much of a worrier before, but since I started getting these debilitating migraines, it seems I can't stop the worry of when the next migraine is going to come, or when I have a migraine I worry the pain will never end. Is this normal?? I am still super excited for my appointment with the Ryan Headache Specialist. I have a list of questions, and I really hope that I will get some answers. I know that I may not have a life without migraines again, but I would at least like to have a LIFE!

Well a lot has been going on since my last blog. My psedo tumor cerebi did come back, so I had to get a spinal tap. Wow those have changed so much in 8 years. I was petrified and really wished I had a something to calm my nerves, so I wouldn't have been so tense when I went in. The nurses could all tell that I was so scared, so I explained the last time I had one of the lovely spinal taps and how I ended up getting poked about 8 times or more before the doctor found the right entry point and how I left there with a scab about the size of a nickle on my back. Well now they take an x-ray of your back so the doctor knows the exact entry point. The worst part honestly was the numbing shot. I did end up having a little spinal headache, but the pressure headache was gone almost immediately, my vision was clearing as I was laying on that hard metal table. My neuro was a complete idiot so while I am thankful he helped me out in my desperate situation I will not be going back to him.
I am still having major migraines at least once to twice a week, sometimes they are too bad for me to even go to work. I just dont want to live like this. I hate having to cancel plans or always feel like just when I am having a good time somewhere that I will have to leave. I also really hate having to drag my husband home when I know he is not wanting to leave. Why should he have to suffer when he is not suffering from a migraine. I found a new set of doctors called Headache Specialist.They are with the Ryan Headache Clinic here in Saint Louis, MO. I have heard good things about the doctor I am going to see from ACHE, so I really hope that he will at least be able to help me find my triggers, and at the very least give me some medication that will be able to soothe the migraine so I can function through out the day. Then if I need to come home after work, or after my movie or after hanging out with my friends, or just whatever....I can. I just want to be able to live MY LIFE!

Everyone knows the old saying. It never fails. It seems like every person that I have come in contact with who has heard about my recent diagnoses has an opinion of something I could do or something else that I could have. Enough people! I am seeing a dietitian and nutritionist. I do not have to eat 6 small meals a day no matter if every single diabetic you have ever known has done this. Yes I know that I do not need to go 6 hours without eating something to maintain a healthy sugar level, but seriously I am not waking myself up in the morning to eat. Thank you for reminding me that the drugs that I am using for my migraines are chemicals and are not healthy for my body, and that I need to get a second opinion to see if I really need to be on them. Hell yes I need to be on them. I can already tell the frequency of my migraines has decreased. Sometimes I wish I could just say all the these things on my mind, but I am totally a non confrontational person and I will just grin and bare it until I am able to write about it.

I have been walking anywhere from 1 to 2 miles a day and really getting my heart rate up. Still drinking lots of water, a gallon or more. I am staying way under my daily 180 carb intake. I feel like a making lots of progress, however my sugar is still remaining high. I am seeing my OBGYN tomorrow for some more testing and talking. I am really trying to stay positive.

I had a Migraine on Saturday that I was able to treat with Maxalt well enough to visit some friends. We haven't seen them in a while. Craig and Julie had a baby in February, and boy o' boy or should I say girl o' girl has she grown. She is cute as a button. Thank goodness she looks like her mother, just kidding dad. We watched a movie called You Don't Mess with the Zohan. It was really funny and even I manged to chuckle despite my migraine. Craig can make a mean grilled chicken. In fact he make a mean anything when it comes grilling food. He also makes the best and I mean best salsa I have ever eaten. Good news is I don't have to worry with my diabetes with the salsa or the grilled food, all in moderation I know, I know. I just have to watch out when Julie gets her hand in the kitchen because she can make some delicious gooey butter cookies. Those will be ever so hard to resist. We left kinda early for the night because my neck was still so sore from sleeping on it wrong last Tuesday. However, Julie had one of those messager things and my wonderful husband(who I plan to blog about later because he deserves an entire entry) got the kink out and it was all fixed up by Sunday.

Sunday was a lazy day, even though I felt really great. I really need to start making myself do stuff when I feel good. I did get to clean up the house some.

I have my quiet place all set up with my water, meds, soft relaxing music, ice packs, a book to read for as long as my head can stand it, but this blog has proved to be so therapeutic that sometimes I wish there was a real life Santa Claus that could bring me a laptop. Weekends have proven themselves to be the worse times for my migraines. I am trying not to be a lazy bum, but when the pressure in my head makes me feel like if I move an inch I am going to puke or have my head explode I would rather just lay down.
Today if my friends have found my blog which I suspect they have since I posted the link on my Facebook, these migraines are why we don't make plans. They are why we don't hang out. They are why we don't talk on the phone as much as you would like us too. I have suffered and smiled when we hung out before trying to play the good sport, but I just can't anymore. When I tell you politely I am ready to go and you don't listen I can't trust you to listen now. I realize I am an inconvenience for you to be friends with, but I do value what friendship we do have. I wish I had more good days than bad. I wouldn't wish migraines on my worst enemy, however I would wish that everyone would experience just one in their lifetime. Then maybe they would have a better understanding of what exactly us migraineurs' go though. Instead of feeling like I have have let everyone down around me, it would be extremely nice for someone to say "How are you feeling today? Would you care to come over and have some quiet time at my house? Maybe I could brush your hair, or rub your neck. We could watch a movie with the volume set low. These are the type of friends I need right now, I'm sorry I cant be more...

Go away. While I know the rain is good for nature and the yummy fruits and veggies I eat; my head can not stand it! The rain started last night and I woke up with a migraine this morning. I managed to come to work, however the pain has increased ever since. I usually do not like to take new medication while I work, but it was either take the Maxalt and see how I react or go home and medicate. I chose to try to work. It is working fantastic. No nasty side effects other than feeling really nice. I actually cant believe how fast it is working. It only took about 45 minutes. I started my 50mg of Topamax on Tuesday, and I swear it is taking a piece of my intelligence with it. Thank you lord for spell checker. I have not always been the best speller, but it nearly took me 3 minutes to figure out that since was not spelled sense(hey at least I knew it was not the right spelling I was looking for). I do apologize if any grammatical errors appear on my blog, I promise they are not intentional, and I do try to read and re-read over my post before I publish. I am going to have to learn how to cope being on this medication and being a perfectionist. I really wish I had the mentality some days just say well I tried my best even if I fail at something. Failure is a really hard word for me. It is why I don't set goals for myself too high. I know that if I have to struggle to reach them and fail, I will go into huge bout of depression.

President Barack Obama is in Saint Louis today and wowzers talk about ground and air control. Every overpass and ramp leading onto the highway had a police officer attending it. There were helicopters everwhere. It was really cool. Too bad I couldnt have seen him in person.

I had a really bad Migraine on Saturday. I am committed to working through them when I get them at work, but man o' man puking in a public toilet is so disgusting. As soon as I got home I took an Imitrex for the first time since I got them. I didn't want to medicate myself at work other than my not so trusty Excedrin Migraine, which I took, I guess for shits and giggles because it didn't do a thing. Maybe it was because I have become immune to it, or I threw it up 10 minutes later. The Imitrex made me so sick, however it helped my Migraine tremendously...for about 2 hours then the migraine started creeping back. My throat felt so tight and my stomach felt like high tide. My neck was so sore I ended up moving my ice pack from my head to my neck for some relief. I finally just ended up taking some Vicodin. Later that night I decided I needed some comfort food the ever so almighty cheese toast. When I pulled the toast from the oven it smelled sickly sweet, and tears just started running down my face. My husband asked me what could be wrong and I just started sobbing. I just couldn't stop. No more Imitrex for me.